I was just reading… – r. l. (Maina)

my book called The Depression Cure by Stephen Ilardi as I sat on a plane.Waiting for the pilots to finish their preparations to fly the plane, the pilot decides comes over… looking excited he asked what book I was reading. I could tell that he loved to read books. I flip it over only to see a momentary blank stare on his face. He regained composure within five seconds. He played his blank state off by changing the subject, talking about how he doesn’t have time to read books so he uses audio books while he drives. “That’s good,” he said. I assumed it was him referring to my book. Inside I can feel that I wanted to burst out and tell him everything. Tell him how I feel, tell him how the world is crushing down on me. I stopped though, I have to control myself… not everyone wants to hear these things. Avoidance of depression is one of the best ways to not get it. 

Everyday is like this, how I can’t relieve myself , I am forced to hold onto my chains. As they choke me from inside, I can’t breathe as though my heart has stopped beating. What I would do to have a glimpse of you, a smile, but we all know this isn’t a fairytale. I must understand that life doesn’t stop when you’re gone. That I must keep going no matter how hard it may seem. No matter if I feel like death is more worthy than living. I must keep going… and it’s the small things like a sunset that keeps me going… I miss you Rasamis Lee. 

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