Hey my beautiful,
It’s 8:40 am right now and I haven’t slept all night. I went out you know, it’s funny they just opened a DnB here. Isn’t that sad? I find joy going there even when I don’t really want to go there. Even arcade games remind me of you. Beer reminds me of you especially blue moon. I had lots of fun… It just seems to really get to me you know? When I drink I always get really sad. All my life it has been like that. There was only one point in my life when I would drink alcohol and didn’t up sad… It was with you… I miss that. I miss enjoying life with you. Everyday certain songs would play… It would hit me like a damn hammer to my heart.
Even though I’m getting more done, becoming happier, and getting healthy again. I just can’t seem to grasp what it is that I’m missing. My heart is missing honestly.
I don’t even have any interest in any girls. Even when they toss themselves at me. It’s not the same, I want us. I don’t care about these sexual relationships. I don’t care about wasting time with someone only to end up hating each other, turning into strangers. I want what we had. Unconditional love that flowed like a never ending waterfall.
I want to do so much with my life, you give me so much motivation even when you’re not around anymore. When I really think about it though all of this drive, motivation, and emotion. Where does it go… I don’t see myself being happy even when i get all the things I wish for. I think it’s because I wanted to share everything with you. All the experiences, travels, and amazing things that the world has to offer. Oh yeah, we can’t forget about all the amazing food. I can see you dancing around while you eat now… I started doing it to… I guess you can say you started a trend 😛
Anyways love, I miss you deeply. I’m sorry I don’t write as much.. I just get overwhelmed with sadness and feel like my letters to you will be too sad. I know you want me to be happy.