Little steps – R. L.

Hey boo boo,

This week has been exhausting, hot, and sad. Right after I last wrote you, I realized I had gotten my wallet pickpocketed. I lost my 20$ that your mom gave me. It broke my heart more than the 10 year old Louis Vuitton wallet I had gotten for christmas. I went through a whole fiasco trying to get a new license because there are like 5,000+ Thanh Nguyens in california. They thought I couldn’t get a license because I had a court holding or something, but in reality they had mistakenly put it on my license.

The work days were long and drawn out. Then came my birthday… Oh all I honestly wished for on my birthday was to hear your voice again. I knew it was impossible… I thought my whole week was ruined but then!

Your mom had the great idea to mail a birthday card to me with everyone signing it. It was super duper sweet, and your sister Celina even made me a special sunflower it was amazing. The best part was that your mom had given me a new 20$. It was the best, I teared up a little. It made me miss you immensely. I had found hope again. Before that my body was torn apart, my mind in another state, and my heart was sunken. I went out for my birthday and realized I never took you to the nightlife of Arkansas. I felt dumb when I realized it because I knew you would’ve loved the piano bars, the people, and the vibe everyone had.

Honestly I don’t think it would’ve mattered where we went together. We always had fun. Even when a place was crappy, we’d pounder there and think of the brighter things the place has to offer. I loved that we could do that together. Just slow down and live life how it was meant to be lived… enjoying the surroundings and nature.

The next day your sister had bought me pizza, well she said it was your mom’s idea. My heart melted again, and I remember the one day you had ordered me pizza… I had no idea you had ordered it but you knew I was dying hungry. You always knew how to make me happy. I wish I could have done the same for you. Everyday I regret that I was not able to show you that love. I wish I can be there for your mom and show her the same amount of love and care that I had for you.

-June 13 –

I went out to heber springs today, brought my floaties too. I knew you would’ve loved them and laughed at me all day for wearing them, but you know I would’ve been the one to keep you afloat when you could not.

Even the sunset was beautiful, I wish I could’ve just sat there and watched it fall all the way down. I wish I could’ve sat there with you drinking a beer- as our feet dangle in the lake water. Traveling alone is harder than I thought, yet you made it look so easy. Everything I do…. I want to just share it with you. IMG_3352

Life has been difficult… but with your family here I don’t feel so alone.

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