Moving on or holding on – RL

DSC06305Hey my love,

Sorry it’s been awhile. Your sister Celina sent me a snapchat of the family hanging out with you. It made me really sad actually. Then later on today I couldn’t stop watching random videos of you on my hard drive which was connected to the TV. My roommate was watching so I didn’t want her to see me cry. I only watched a few and all I can say is that you are so beautiful and wonderful. Hundreds of gopro videos and more… Just watching you holding me or kissing me made me get chills of you -I even felt like I was there.

Life has been a little hectic… I bought myself a wake up uv light to help combat my depression when I sleep. I hope it works, you’d probably love this thing cause I remember you’d wake up instantly as soon as it was 10 o’clock or when the sun hit your face. You honestly were like a sunflower.

My god do I miss you, everyday I wish you can come back. I miss talking to you, your voice, and especially your kisses.

I’ve been trying to get more and more done throughout the day but no matter how little or much I do I can’t help but feel like a piece of myself is missing. Quite frankly a piece of me is missing. The other half of my heart. I wish you could come into my dreams and help me, but I know it’s not what you would’ve wanted. I know you would’ve wanted me to move on, but deep down inside I’m still holding on.

I love you, why did you have to let chemo kill you i’ll never know…


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