I last minute somehow bought a ticket from a guy to see one of my favorite original DJs…
I met up with John… You remember the day where we didn’t have anywhere to stay.. Called John and asked if you and I could stay there. That John. We go way back.. Back to 1999 back. He was the first person to fully feel sad that you were gone, he really wanted to meet you too. We didn’t stay with him cause you wanted to just spend the last moments together in the car gazing at each other’s eyes..
You know what’s funny… We didn’t even need to talk to each other to feel happy.. Just the presence was good enough for the both of us.
Anyways John totally made me cry today… He knew that I was kind of blaming myself for your death. Although he was drunk.. He was right. I needed to realize that there wasn’t much I can do to save you. That life had a purpose for you.. Whether it was to push me.. Or make me change.
All my life I’ve been the worst person to be in a relationship.. Always had my doubts. Didn’t trust anyone, but you were the first… The first to let myself go.. To let myself be me and trust again… You know how good it feels to be free… To not care what anyone in the world thinks about you because it doesn’t matter since the love of your life doesn’t judge you. It’s amazing… Everyone in the world nowadays has too much ego… But we didn’t. We didn’t care… And it is how it was meant to be.
I broke down.. I cried.. Hundred or so people saw me cry. I kept moving forward to the stage. I wanted to reach you… To find myself again. I danced sober… I closed my eyes.. I’m sure everyone thought I was on drugs… But the truth is I can enjoy things without any of that.. Without an excuse. I just let myself go.. I let myself be me just like how you let me be. I know this all sounds crazy but I’m drunk. I’m sad that I miss you , that I couldn’t dance with you one more time… But I danced for you… I hope that was enough..
“I miss you so much right now I wish you were here to dance with me. I hate cancer. Why did it have to take you away. You were too young. Tonight I’m dancing for you”
(this is my drunk blogging)
I love you and will always miss you,